There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
