3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
