I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
