I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
