i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
