i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
