She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
