Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
