Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
