You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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