So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
