I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
