I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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