It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
