I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
