we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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