Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
