Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
