and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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