Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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