Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
