I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
