my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
