THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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