i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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