I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
