just tell him i said nine months
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
