I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
