I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
