who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
