Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
