drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
