A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
