Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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