Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
