we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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