Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
