Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
