I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
