this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
