need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
