you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
