my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The air was thick with penises
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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