Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
