i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
