I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
