He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
