if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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