Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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