I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
