I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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