Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
