Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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