I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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