you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
